Turn Taking Isn’t Automatic—It’s Learned
Turn Taking Isn’t Automatic—It’s Learned
Turn taking is so deeply woven into daily life that we often don’t notice it. We take turns speaking in conversations, waiting in line at the grocery store, crossing the street, using playground equipment, or sharing space with others. These small moments of waiting and sharing form the rhythm of social life. For children, learning how to take turns is not simply about good manners—it is a foundational skill that supports independence, emotional regulation, communication, and relationships.
For many children, turn taking develops naturally through everyday interactions. For others, especially young children or those with developmental differences, waiting and sharing can feel confusing or overwhelming. Understanding what turn taking is, why it matters, and how to support it in meaningful ways helps caregivers and educators create environments where all children can succeed.
What Is Turn Taking?
Turn taking is the ability to share time, space, and attention with others. It involves recognizing that everyone gets a chance to participate, whether in play, conversation, or daily routines.
Turn taking shows up in many ways, including:
- Listening while someone else speaks, then responding
- Playing games where each person waits for their turn
- Standing in line for snacks, the bathroom, or the water fountain
- Sharing toys at home or in the classroom
- Waiting for food at a restaurant or during an appointment
- Navigating shared movement, such as walking through a doorway or stopping at a crosswalk
- Sharing responsibilities like feeding a pet or setting the table
In short, turn taking is everywhere. It is the cooperative process that allows people to live and work together.
Why Turn Taking Can Be Challenging
Turn taking requires several developmental skills working together at once. Children must manage impulses, understand expectations, tolerate waiting, and recognize that others have needs and desires too. For young children, this can be a lot to ask.
Some children may struggle with turn taking due to:
- Limited impulse control or self-regulation
- Difficulty understanding time and waiting
- Communication challenges
- Differences in social awareness or executive functioning
- Feeling overwhelmed by group settings
For some children with developmental differences, social reciprocity—the back-and-forth nature of interaction—may be particularly challenging. These children may prefer to focus on one activity or topic and may find it difficult to read social cues such as pauses in conversation, tone of voice, or body language.
This is not a lack of effort or willingness. It is a developmental difference that requires understanding, patience, and intentional support.
How Turn Taking Develops
Turn taking is not an innate skill. Infants are naturally self-focused, and this is developmentally appropriate. Crying to have needs met is about survival, not selfishness.
Turn taking begins developing early in life:
- Babies engage in back-and-forth eye contact, facial expressions, and vocalizations.
- Infants participate in reciprocal routines like peekaboo or feeding interactions.
- As language develops, children move from sounds to words and short exchanges.
By preschool and early school age, children begin to:
- Participate in group activities
- Wait for their turn during games or routines
- Reference previous conversations
- Engage in longer back-and-forth discussions
These skills rely heavily on executive functioning abilities such as attention, working memory, emotional regulation, and task completion.
The Role of Structure and Predictability
Structured environments—such as classrooms, playground routines, or waiting rooms—are powerful places for practicing turn taking. Clear expectations and predictable routines reduce uncertainty and help children understand what comes next.
When children know:
- Who is first and who is next
- How long they may need to wait
- That their turn will come
They are more likely to tolerate waiting and less likely to become frustrated.
Teaching Turn Taking in Meaningful Ways
Turn taking is best taught through everyday experiences rather than forced or artificial situations. Some effective strategies include:
- Modeling: Adults demonstrate waiting, listening, and sharing during daily routines.
- Starting small: Begin with short waits and simple exchanges, gradually increasing expectations.
- Positive reinforcement: Acknowledge patience and highlight successful moments.
- Role play: Practice real-life scenarios like ordering food or waiting for a turn at the playground.
- Social stories: Use short narratives to explain why turn taking matters and what to expect.
Turn Taking Through Play
Play is one of the most natural and effective ways to teach turn taking. Games create clear rules, natural pauses, and built-in motivation.
Some engaging turn taking activities include:
- Board games such as Candy Land or Snakes and Ladders
- Playground routines on swings or slides
- Musical games where children pass instruments
- Storytelling games where each child adds a sentence
- Classroom helper rotations like line leader or snack helper
- Daily routines such as feeding pets or setting the table
These activities allow children to practice waiting, sharing, and celebrating others’ turns in a low-pressure environment.
Turn Taking in Conversation
Turn taking is also essential in communication. Conversational turn taking involves listening, waiting for a pause, and responding appropriately. For young children, this skill must be modeled and practiced consistently.
Why conversational turn taking matters:
- Social connection: It helps children build relationships and understand reciprocity.
- Safety: Listening ensures children hear important instructions.
- Language development: It supports auditory processing and receptive language skills.
When children interrupt or speak out of turn, it is not simply a behaviour issue—it is a developmental skill still in progress. Adults can support this by modelling patient listening, using visual cues like a talking stick, and offering gentle reminders.
Using Visual Supports
Visual supports are powerful tools for teaching turn taking. They help children understand expectations and sequences, especially before language skills are fully developed.
Helpful visual supports include:
- Visual schedules
- Routine charts with photos
- Turn taking cards
- Clocks or timers
- Modelling and visual prompts
Visuals reduce anxiety, increase predictability, and support independence over time.
Classroom Strategies That Work
Some practical classroom tools include:
- Turn taking charts: Writing children’s names in order reassures them their turn is coming.
- Turn cards: Cards with photos and “___’s turn” help hold a spot during transitions.
- Large group props: Talking sticks or hats make turns visible and engaging.
- My Turn / Your Turn cards: Simple visuals reinforce sequencing.
- Routine boards: Visual routines for snack or bathroom breaks build predictability.
- Games: Board games and group play remain the most effective teaching tools.
When Turn Taking Leads to Meltdowns
Even with strong supports, some children may still experience meltdowns when asked to wait or share. In these moments, the behaviour is often a sign of overwhelm, not defiance.
Possible underlying reasons include:
- Difficulty communicating needs
- Limited understanding of why waiting is required
- Emotional or sensory overload
Supportive responses include:
- Allowing time to calm down
- Redirecting to a manageable activity
- Offering self-regulation tools such as breathing exercises or sensory breaks
Building Foundations for Connection
Turn taking is more than a social skill—it is the foundation of cooperation, empathy, and connection. With modelling, structure, and patience, children can learn to share time and space with others in ways that feel safe and achievable.
When adults understand that turn taking is developmental, not automatic, they can create environments where every child is supported in learning this essential life skill.
